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Poems 1992-1993

I began high school in 10th grade, the year prior schools in Michigan decided to make 10th grade a part of high school.  Having attended a private school before enrolling in Ann Arbor Huron High, I was a year late getting to know my classmates.  Not only that, my mother was in the midst of a long and hard fought recovery from breast cancer.  I began to write poetry to help me cope with many of the confusing and intense emotions that I was experiencing as a fifteen year old.  I entitled my collection of poems "Journies of the Mind," later realizing that I had misspelled Journeys.  I printed out all of the poems on our home computer, bound them myself and drew the cover artwork. 

This collection is raw, and often even painful in terms of its awkwardness and insecurity.  It is a good glimpse at the beginnings of my writing style, and an interesting look inside the head of a high school aged kid. 

 

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The Door To Future

I often stand at the door to the future
Held back by the chains of the past
Searching for what is right and pure
Only to convince myself that it wouldn't last

The more time I spend the more I know
Whether it be in a smile or a frown
A look into her eyes and the fire grows
But the chains of the past keep dragging me down

Time is ticking away and I can't stop
The more that I think the more I cry
The rain of her love falls drop by drop
I try to bring to life something that died

Never have I been able to feel this way
To be so honest to be so true
And not be able to feel the pain
Something's different, something's good, something's new

So I stand at the door to the future
Held back by the chains of the past
Searching for the one of whom I'm sure
For with her love she'll set me free at last

I look out through the open door and see
That the world is full of wonder and pain
And when I pull forward my chains break free
Her love has set me free, my life renewed by the rain..

Of her love,

So when you hear me calling you through the door
Don't be scared to come and save me
For in my heart I have kept it stored
And my love will be for you, and I will be free

Sunshine

The warm sun rises above the horizon
Just like you rise above your problems
I wish it were over, I wish it were done
But I must stand up and face my dreams

The light shines in through my window
The warm yellow light surrounds and comforts
And I am learning how to show...
The love that warms and never hurts...

...Like the sunshine.

Anger

The words bit deep into my heart like a snake
Not able to hold back, it burns deeper inside
I try not to let it, but my heart begins to brake
I am searching for a person to confide

The flame burns brighter and hotter than before
I find myself groping around for control that's not there
But it doesn't work the fire burns more and more
It works its way out through my eyes in a glare

And then its too late, no time is left
The fire burns  and consumes me
But now my mind is put to the test...
And feelings that were trapped are set free

Screaming and shouting
Pushing and pounding
Crying and pouting
The look on my face-astounding

Now the rains comes and pours on my heart
Cooling down I feel relief and pain
Feelings set free and now at a new start
But the fire is out by the rain

Now in repentance I pray
That I will be able to control what stirs
And the demons I will be able to slay
Next time able to control my anger

Peace

The love of Christ lives in my heart
He guides my the right way in all I do
For he has been there since the start
And every day he makes me new

I live I life as a human.. imperfect
But he is always there to forgive me
And to change my heart and direct
Giving me new eyes with which I see

So I live my life in the shadow of his love
In all I do I try to be the best I can
For he once came down from far above
And opened the door to the promise land

There is nothing that can separate
From the love of God that never leaves
So when your throat is dry and not so great
Find Jesus in the shadow of peace

Help

The small, dark man looks at me
I wonder what it is he sees
I don't see the pain in his eyes
He only remembers that I told him lies

So now I lie cold upon the ground
My lifeless body makes no sound
How senseless it was, I think to myself
To put my life before life itself

The Girl I Don't Know

A girl in my dreams
A thought in my mind
A word in my poem
She is there
Everywhere I go
Everyone I see
Every time I breath
She is there
I can feel her
I can smell her
I can hear her
She is there
Who is she?

My Lost Friend

Once I had a friend
He was just like me
He and I were not the same
He was tall and I was short
He was quiet and I was loud
In every way we were different
Except for one
Our minds
I wrote and no one understood
I spoke and no one knew
Except him

Somehow he knew me
His words were the same as mine
Now he is gone, far away
But every time I write, I can hear him

Helpless

Fly, fly little bird
Light here upon my shoulder
Come here little bird and play
I am alone and it is quiet here
No, little bird don't fly away
I cannot fly
I cannot follow
I cannot play
I cannot walk
This cold metal chair keeps me here
My legs are cold and I am scared
Why can't anyone love me for who I am?

I am alone

Above

The young boy stared away into the sky
His face was cold and he closed his eyes
He wondered what it would be like to fly away
These thoughts danced through his mind each day

I look at this boy and call him a fool
He is different form the others in this school
All I wish is that he would leave me alone
The reason for this is that I'm as cold as stone

The young boy looks down from far above
The people look small and he feels like a dove
He slowly falls over and he makes no sound
As his small, sickly body hits the ground

Now that young boy has left me to myself
And my friends, family, and good health
When I think of him I wonder why
I shut him out and told him lies

I can only think what might have not been 
Had I treated him right and took him in
But I had to do this, for I had no love
I realize all this, as I look down from above

Dust

Golden jewels surround me
The price was never too high
I had more money than you could see
I earned it by and by

I did whatever I wanted
I said what I felt
For with my money I haunted
And now nothing is real

I had my whole life
My future was an open door
Until I started
And now I just need more

Gone are the riches of yesterday
And all the things that were a must
Now all my money is far, far away
And I'm left here with this white dust

Smile

The little child looks to me
His eyes are wide and bright
He looks around, and up and down
And then he stares into the light

I gaze into his tiny face
And then after a while
I can see his face start to change
As he forms his first smile

Wondering

I sit deep in my chair, and close my eyes
I breath air into my lungs and let out a sigh
For I am again thinking by and by
And once again I'm wondering why

I wonder who made me
I wonder what I'll be
I wonder who made everything
I wonder when I learned to sing

All these things I wonder
And everyday I find
The answers are always there
Deep inside my mind

Rainstorm

Darkness descends quickly
The sky blackens
The fields are covered
And the animals retreat to shelter

The clouds move in
Like and army of shapes and forms
All blackened with the weight of rain
Storm clouds, ready for battle

The two armies of clouds approach each other
Slowly shortening the gap between
The air is cold and nervous
And then the two armies collide

Rain falls, and thunder is heard
The war takes place in the clouds
Lightning flashes and drops to the earth
And water grows upon the ground

Slowly one army retreats
It is weary and diminished
The water stays in puddles on the ground
The earth is quiet, all voices are hushed

Then, the sun rises victorious once more
It's majestic beauty crowns the land
And not quite knowing, what's in store
The animals come out and stand

The water begins to disappear
Slowly, the sun starts to warm
The earth seems at peace now
And a rainbow begins to form

The Voice

I hear the voice all the time
It is deep within my mind
It's source I can never find

I hear it in the deep of night
I can listen to it speak to me
But no matter how hard I try
It's owner I never see

The Wind

A silent voice that relaxes me
An invisible force in the night
The mover of objects uncountable
Somehow it always stays out of sight

I wonder what is this thing
That torments the trees and the earth
The source of this power is unknown
Or from what it was given birth

This unknown force fills my days
With wonder it does bid
For me to follow along
And chase this thing, they call the wind

Somewhere

Somewhere there is an alien
Somewhere there is a friend
Somewhere there is peace of mind
And somewhere there's and end

Somewhere there is violence
Somewhere there is war
Somewhere there is dying
And somewhere there is more

Somewhere there's an eight wonder
Somewhere- a letter after Z
Somewhere there's another planet
And somewhere you'll find me

Blue Waters

As I set out
towards the unknown I face the magnificent sea
It's force and vastness draw me in

The blue waters stretch before my eyes
I am gliding onward, to the unseen
All is quiet and endless
As I float onward, in a sea of dreams

I am asleep, in blue waters

Who

Who are you
Who am I
What is that

All I know is what is to be
I have forgotten what is behind

Who are you
Who am I
What is that, inside my mind

Me

The small little boy sits and cry
I do not know why he does
I only wish I could comfort him
But when I reach out he disappears

Who is this boy who sits by himself
Surrounded by friends
All alone.
Who is this boy who cries by himself

It is me.

New

Everything around me is new
The grass the trees and the flowers
The sky and the sea have changed, too
And so have the April showers

Everything is different, nothing the same
I look out my window and see you
And you are standing in the brand new rain
But you are also new

So what do I say to a brand new world
What do I do with my brand new mind
I must go out and see all that's good
For this new world is for you and me to find

 

 

Full of Life

The cool, crisp leaves of the tree in my yard
They are always there, always bright
The bright, beautiful leaves never fall
They are constant, they are alive

As I gaze into those leaves
I see the strength built up
As I breath their fresh air
I feel revived and new

The cool, crisp leaves of the tree in my yard
They are gone, they are dead
The wonderful leaves are gone for awhile
Waiting for the time to bloom, full of life

How I Live

Words come to my fingers like magic
I do not know why I can write this way
Am I strange, am I special
Who am I, what is my purpose

The quiet river plays with my mind
I feel peaceful and happy, and good
My mind is at rest, my soul is calm
The anger inside me is gone

All that is before me is changeable
All that is in the past is meaningful
All that I make of myself, at this moment
Defines me as who I am, and how I live

The River

The river is long and short
Its banks are wide and narrow
The current is fast and slow
It is both cold and warm

The river keeps going
It never changes its course
As it moves me close
And onward to the source

Paradise

I feel strong and light on my feet
The breeze of life runs through me
I do not know, why I am here
I only know I can feel the life of the trees

The wind runs through my hair
I feel the rush and burst of joy
My face is cool, my hands are warm
I can see who I am, finally

The water of the pond is crystal clear
I dip my head down, to drink
The cold, fresh, water strengthens me
I am refreshed and peaceful

The beauty of nature is wonderful
As I look into the mountains
I think to myself, how majestic they are
They tower over everything

The birds, the flowers, the water, and trees
I have found the ultimate source of life
The sweet, cool air cleanses me
I have found myself here, in paradise

Change

The warm summer day relaxes me
The brisk autumn evening excites me
The cold winter night challenges me
The mild spring morning awakens me

But through all the seasons I go through
One thing still stays the same
No matter how much I go up and down
I have you, for you never change

Night

The cricket sounds its last goodnight
The wolf howls once again
All is quiet and peaceful now
Silence covers the land

A blanket of darkness covers me
The darkness is a comforting sight
I feel safe and restful here
Lying in the arms of night

Young

The mechanical people sit there
Their voices make no sound
I look and wonder why
They never leave the ground

Me, I'm never constant
I fly high up in the sky
While they just sit there all day
And I just wonder why

If only they would know how good it is
To let your mind run wild
And jump, and dance and sing and play
To act just like a child

The Golden

She is quiet, careful and sure
I love her dearly, for she is my own
A protector, a loyal friend
And as she has, so have I grown

Silent, unable to speak a word
But she can understand and hear
I know that she will stand with me
Until the end grows near

Her hair a magnificent color
She stands tall and bold
I see her pride in every step
For she is my own, my golden

The Rock

For thousands of years it has stood there
Immovable by the water or wind
For decades it has not swayed
And it will stay there to defend

It's majesty is brilliant
It's power is yet unknown
The mighty powers of the earth have never hurt it
For he is there always, solid as stone

The Bird

The brilliant eagle soars above the clouds
It's piercing scream is heard aloud
Circling the forest from far above
It is majestic as a lion, but as beautiful as a dove

Slowly it circles downward, listening to the earth
The sky is brilliant and wonderful, as the eagle soars
And the morning has given birth
To an afternoon that is greater, even more

Then, in the blink of an eye
The bird dives towards the ground
He drops like a bullet, from the sky
He approaches, but makes no sound

The glorious bird reaches it's prey
And grasps it within his claws
He swoops upward, towards the break of day
His prize with his jaws

Silence

Like a blanket of darkness
It covers the earth
Then, like a sudden surprise it happens
The quietness covers the land

And then in a whisper, a voice is heard
All is Silent

The Soldier

The man sits tall upon his horse
He is tired, but not afraid
The road is long and weary
For he has been on it for days

The sun sits low in the western sky
Now behind his head
He has been to many lands
And seen many that are dead

The question still sits in his mind
Why all this senseless violence?
And then a shot is heard
The man slumps over, in silence

Memories

Memories
Everlasting imprints in your mind
Staying there until the end
But some you will never find

A key to the past
The only way out of your cares
When there is nothing in front of you
The memories are always there

Treasure your memories
Soon they may be all you know
And always make new memories
Something you can save, something you can own

Opposites

Love is found deep in my heart
And so is my horrible hate
How can two things live together
When their difference is so great?

I Don't Care

Your life is falling apart, she said
I don't care
You are loosing all your money
I don't care

The world is falling to pieces
I don't care
People are killing themselves
I don't care

Your friends are addicted to drugs
I don't care
The sun is burning up the earth
I don't care

I love you.
What?

Separated

The sky is black and unforgiving
There are only two of us left
Him and I, I and Him, Together
Alone

We are waiting for the message
The one to set us free
But only one of us will go
Me or Him, Him or Me

The sky slowly opens
The clouds pull away
I am standing there
The night turns into day

The man stands there and looks
He ponders his decision
The man looks at me and then at him
And decides upon division

He cuts me in half
With my friend, he does the same
Half of each, he takes us
We are together, we feel no pain

Mirror

The man at the bottom of the lake looks at me
His eyes are swollen, for he has been crying
I stare at him in a strange way, and he gazes back to see
I wonder what's the matter, then I see he's dying

I try to reach that man, but he's pulled down too deep
I cannot reach his hand, for it is pulled away
Why is he so sad, Why is he so troubled?
His life is gone and wasted, and even I start to sway

He is starting to fade away, gone from my sight
I try to pull him out, but he won't be let himself free
My mind is filled with anger, I am ready to fight
And then I realize, that the man down there is me

Death

The canyon is dark and barren
I can hear the whistling below
The life above me lingers
It is fading, very slow

I try to resist the urge
The temptation to jump right through
And leave the pain and suffering
To finally find what it true

The hand from my life is grabbing me
Trying to pull me into the past
But I know my life is over
I knew it wouldn't last

I breath in one last breath
And I jump into the source of my fears
The pull is incredible
As I rip away, I feel the tears

Then suddenly all has changed
The tremendous fright I had before
All is wonderful and beautiful
I have finally opened the door

The thing I had once feared most
Is different than I ever imagined
A paradise of peace and joy
At the end of this canyon

I feel refreshed and wonderful
My trials are finally finished
I have everything I ever wanted
And all I have ever wished

I look down on my family from above
The pain that they bear is great
I have felt that same way before
When I used to question my faith

Now I am here and I am glad
They just do not see me
Someday they will come and join me here
And then they will finally see

I think back now and remember
When I took my last breath
How scared and horribly frightened I was
Of the bridge to heaven named death

Battle Cry

The air is hot with anger
The wind is blowing in rage
I can hear the trumpets sounding
As start to write the last page

The enemy is on top of the horizon
The black cloud is moving on in
And left and right, my comrads fall
To the horrible villian named sin

But just as the battle looks lost
And just as I am ready to retreat
I look above and then I see
The holes in my saviors feet

With a thundering yell and a joyous shout
I leap up and face the enemy
With my sword in hand
I cut him to pieces, he can hardly see

And my companions rise up once more
We walk into the black cloud
Our swords upraised our shields in place
The trumpets sound out loud

The enemy moves in on us
Too many to hold back
And we start to fall to the ground
In the heat of this attack

As I lie on the ground,
With tears welled up in my eyes
I see the heavens open
And a hand reach out of the sky

He picks me up and sets me straight
I am full of hope and faith
The enemy looks up and scoffs at me
The try to fill me up with pain

But when they try to pull me down
They cannot tear me away or rip..
Me from the grasp he has on me
For I am in his grip

The enemy is wild eyed and scared
As I open my lips they scream
And as they hear they die
When I shout this battle cry...

Jesus is Lord!

 

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